iCouple
by The 0dd 0ne
Summary: As if kissing wasn't awkward enough. /or/ Apparently, they make a cute couple. One-shot / Implied Seddie / will NOT EVER be REVISITED / following is a waste of time, just REVIEW


"Alright, next on iCarly," Carly began, laughing & setting the hot glue gun filled with dog food down.

"We're gonna talk to some of you freaks!" I concluded, smiling so widely it hurt after jumping in front of the camera, careful to stay a good foot away from Fredweird. Why was I so nervous & what was up with that tingle when that thing that NEVER - HAPPENED happened?

"Sam, don't insult the viewers," Carly chided, placing her hands on me, her bouncy, delinquent of a best friend. Well, on my shoulders.

"Then can I at least insult the nub?" I responded, my smile fading.

"I'm not a nub!" Fredweenie insisted, cough, cough, LIES, cough, cough.

"Just put one of our _lovely & appreciated fans_ up on the monitor," Carly sighed, giving me a scolding look - what is she, my mother? Wait, no, Carly would never make me compete in beauty pageants or take trombone lessons or give me black coffee because it makes me dance funny.

"Alright . . . uh, here's Dana from Ohio," the tech-dork announced like a loser, pressing a few dumb buttons.

"Ohio," I made a face - I hate Ohio.

"Aw, I feel bad for Dana," Carls sighed pitifully.

"Switchin' to the B cam," Fredwad said, walking over to us & the B cam, which is currently placed to film us & the monitor.

"Hey, guys!" An overly peppy brunette with braces chirped.

"Hey, Dana!" Carls & I said, waving & chiz.

"So, I wanted to ask, how's the first kiss comin' for Sam & Freddie?" She smiled oh so innocently.

"Uh, good?" Fredward awkwardly stuttered, ugh, he disgusts me.

"I got mine," I nodded tersely, people must not find out that that horrible thing happened.

"Yeah, it's over with," Fredley added in a rushed voice.

"You make me wanna puke blood," I told him.

"Still?" He asked, bewildered. I love that word. Don't really know what it means but I love it.

"Yes. What mental institution is the poor girl you kissed in?" Translation, what mental institution should I be in?

"She's not in a mental institution! What prison is the unfortunate guy you kissed in?" He tried to insult me, ha! You're insulting yourself & setting yourself up at the same time.

"Ugh, that nub isn't in prison," I rolled my eyes.

"Sam," Carly said in that way only Carly can, "did you just call your first kiss a nub?"

"He is, and for the record, he kissed me, I just sorta awkwardly sat there, thinking, what the chiz am I supposed to do?"

"That's what went through your head during your first kiss?" Frednub asked tentatively - have I been learning in my sleep?

"No one was talking to you, Nub," I snapped.

"Is it just me or are you guys kinda awkward right now?" The stupid Ohian asked.

"Sorry, they've been like this since Sam apologized about the first kiss thing," Carly apologized.

"You'd think they'd kissed to get it over with." Oh, God. No, no, no. Don't figure it out - and stop giggling!

"Ew, that's disgusting!" I exclaimed, "I'd rather chew broken glass!"

"Oh, like you'd be so pleasant to kiss," Fredwad retorted.

As I opened my mouth to insult him, Carly intervened. Ugh, I love that girl, but nice nauseates me, like Fredweenie's face. "Don't."

"You know, they'd be a cute couple."

"What is wrong with your brain?" I quickly deadpanned, smacking the stunned Freddie.

"Uh, um, well, uh . . . what she said!"

"Don't agree with me, boy!" I told him, putting an agitated hand out.

"Aw, you guys would be a cute couple," Carly cooed.

"Uwah," we both contorted our faces in disgust.

"Stop it, you would be, too bad you hate each other," Carls shrugged, giggling slightly.

"No we wouldn't! I love you," Frednub reminded her - ugh, is he still on that?

"Ahem, Carly will never love you," I told him, avoiding the shoulder touch I would usually do.

"Sam!" Carly exclaimed.

"What, it's true," I shrugged, folding my arms, and looking to the Ohian for back up.

"Well, yeah, but you can't just say it!" Carls said.

When we got downstairs, I made sure to cling to Carly, things with Fredweird were just too awkward right now.

"Do you seriously think me & the nub would be a cute couple?" I whispered to her as I raided her fridge.

". . . Yeah, I do."

I've never hated my best friend more.


End file.
